porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
