UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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