billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
