I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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