yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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