i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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