At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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