She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
