some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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