how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
