4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
