I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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