I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize