Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
