Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize