My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
