i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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