They should really pass out barf bags in church
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
