I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
