im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
