Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
