just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I will pee on everything he values.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
