Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
