i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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