just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
