why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
