I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
