I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
