I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
