I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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