I'm drive I can fine osifer
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize