I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Randomize
