Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just had sex on a roof
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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