just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
