She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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