that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
