Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
