did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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