At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
