sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
