I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
