I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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