No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
