If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize