I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
