pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
