Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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