I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
