first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
