My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
