Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
