Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
