Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
smell my finger.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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