mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize