3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize