i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
