So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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