why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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