Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
