She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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