Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
