How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
