YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
