oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
