Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
