He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Oh god it's open bar.
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