I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
